Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
