I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
