I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
