Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
