Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
