google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
