at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
