the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
two words: eviction party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dick very happy bro
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
