My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
