And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
