you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
