i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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