My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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