Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
