just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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