dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
