I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
