I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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