i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
