Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are the jesus of drinking
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
