so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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