This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
