I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
