This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
