There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
