I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
