so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
