just come out here and I will go home with you...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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