Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
