i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
