she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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