he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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