The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
