The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
