I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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