whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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