my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
