shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
