fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
