The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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