I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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