I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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