The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Houston, we have a squirter
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
