I bet he comes in French.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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