I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
