Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize