last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
