I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
