hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
