At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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