I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
