I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
