Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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