How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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