Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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