I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
