There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Text me some of your sweat
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