Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
