We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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