I think I won the penis lottery.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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