the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
