In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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