No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
