at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
