i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Houston, we have a squirter
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
