You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
