I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
