I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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