pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize