That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
