toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think people are normalizing furries
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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