...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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