Betty ford says i'm here all night
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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