If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Two words: blizzard sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
